We spent so many months worrying about the New York Yankees picking the wrongSt. Louis Cardinals outfield trade target that we never stopped to wonder what might happen if the Red Sox picked the right one. Of course they did.

Though mega-jacked Tyler O’Neill was floated to the Yankees a few times last summer as a “buy low” option, he never seemed quite right. He wasn’t a left-handed hitter. He wasn’t exactly durable, playing 96 games in 2022 and 72 in 2023.

And, perhaps most importantly, he was built like a perfect Red Sox specimen. The Baseball Gods never would’ve let it happen.

Through the first 16th of the 2024 season, O’Neill and his barrel chest and tattoos and face straight out of the Cask and Flagon have drilled six home runs and lit Fenway aflame in Boston’s long-awaited home opener. Huh. Suddenly, those calls for a fan boycott because they didn’t sign Seth Lugo or whatever sound awfully stupid! Who’da thunk it?

So funny. Very funny.

All it took was one look at O’Neill to know, oh yeah. This’ll be the place where he “finds it” again. Whatever imperceptible cosmic reality that kept tweaking his hamstrings in St. Louis would disappear in Boston.

I predicted it. Of course I did. And, honestly, I don’t even want credit. Predicting O’Neill would soar to new heights in Boston felt like predicting a big ol’ pile of rocks would be heavy. Don’t credit me. Please. It was nothing.

Not only is O’Neill going supernova, but the Red Sox have started the season with a world historic ERA, meaning that Andrew Bailey’s hard work took exactly no time at all to turn a staff full of also-rans into the 1990s Braves.

Hopefully, that means they face plant once they reach October, much like those Braves squads.

If not for the Yankees’ similarly hot start, the Red Sox refusal to go down quietly as injuries (Trevor Story, Nick Pivetta, Lucas Giolito) threaten to overwhelm them in front of their Netflix crew would be aggravating enough to burn your skin. As it stands, it’s just another Bostonian gnat to attempt to flick away for the next six months, as these rivals suddenly seem to be on a collision course sooner than anyone expected.

But, hey. It’s the 20th anniversary of 2004, the year Boston’s Idiots changed everything with their 3-0 comeback. Since then, the Red Sox lead the Yankees in World Series 4-1 and have defeated New York in three consecutive postseason matchups (2004, 2018, 2021). Guess who’s the underdog Idiot now?