The Red Sox beat the piss out of the Guardians on Wednesday night behind Cooper Criswell and Connor Wong, bringing their season series to 4-2 on a breezy night by Lake Erie.

The top of the first started fortuitously, with the red-hot Wilyer Abreu driving in Rafael Devers to put the Sox on the board:

Wilyer Abreu now has an RBI in each of his last six games and has 3+ hits in three of his last five games

He was batting just .176 a week ago, now he’s up to .316#DirtyWaterpic.twitter.com/JrqZtVFlca

— RotoBaller MLB (@RotoBallerMLB) April 24, 2024

That’s what we’re talking about. Also what were talking about: Criswell retired the side without giving up a run in the first.

In the bottom of the second, Wong homered for the second straight Wednesday to make it 2-0:

Connor Wong – Boston Red Sox (4) pic.twitter.com/9TsVopJ4E8

— MLB HR Videos (@MLBHRVideos) April 24, 2024

That was also what we were talking about. Also what we were talking about: Criswell retired the side in the second.

And the third.

And the fourth.

In the top of the fifth, disgusted with this stasis, Devers went oppo taco to make it 3-0:

THAT’S THE RAFAEL DEVERS WE ALL MISSED! 😭 pic.twitter.com/4mO4xIJIgb

— Tyler Milliken ⚾️ (@tylermilliken_) April 24, 2024

That’s also what we were talking about. Also what we were talking about: Criswell retired the side in the fifth.

In the sixth, the Sox started to break it open. First, Wong went deep again:

HOOOOOLY SHIT IT’S A CONNOR WONG DOUBLE DONG GONG
pic.twitter.com/9KPomCmIAy

— Jared Carrabis (@Jared_Carrabis) April 24, 2024

But that wasn’t all! Ceddanne Rafaela singled home Devers before Jarren Duran nailed a ground-rule double to bring him home and make it 6-0, Sox, in the sixth. That’s what we were talking about, but now Joely Rodriguez came on for Criswell. He did, however, retire the side without giving up a run.

That’s what we were talking about. He also did it in the seventh. Ditto. The Sox didn’t score in the eighth and Zack Kelly and, well, you get it. A little bit hairier, but same result. 6-0 heading to the ninth.

The Sox tacked one more in the ninth on an Emmanuel Valdez sac fly to make it 7-0, Sox. Wong then singled in a run to make him 4-4 with two dongs on the night — certainly the best hitting performance of his young career:

Connor Wong joins Wilyer Abreu in the 4-hit club.

4-for-4 with 3 RBI on the night. 2 homers. Also got hit by a pitch.

Chaim Bloom is smiling somewhere. pic.twitter.com/6LDB1xCgwv

— Tyler Milliken ⚾️ (@tylermilliken_) April 25, 2024

(If Chaim Bloom is smiling after a single 4-4 game when Mookie Betts is having the greatest April ever, he deserves more scorn than I’ve already given him.)

Kelly came on to finish things off, and he did as prophesied. It was a total walkover. 8-0. Sixteen hits for Boston, four for Cleveland, another shutout for the Sox, and another good night for Soxkind.